Thursday, December 06, 2012

Chess Club Strikes Again & Rogue Elf Belches Tune

911 dispatchers received numerous calls shortly after 11:30pm, last evening, from motorists who reported seeing what they alleged to be the TV travel gnome doing a bodacious truck-surfing keg stand on a moving beer tanker said to be travelling north east on the 101, just west of the Seaport Blvd exit. Officials are dismissing the reports as another wacky chess club prank from students at the city college.

As many long time area residents remember, the city college chess club is notorious for a prank they pulled in 1982, when members loosened all the salt shaker lids in a popular fast food hamburger restaurant.

In unrelated news, massive crowds gathered, yet again, at Zazzle, last night, hoping to glimpse the intoxicated rogue elf who has used magic dust to embark on midnight joyrides through the aisles of apparel, office ware and gift items on an enchanted shopping cart. Shoppers waved signs in the air, proclaiming love for the little merry maker, thanking him for monumental holiday shopping savings and, in a few cases, offering to bear the elf's children.

One group of onlookers was wearing matching Team Eggnog shirts purchased from what many now believe to be one of the elf's favorite shops at Zazzle. We asked them what the shirt was about. "It's from his favorite shop," explained one member of the group, "and before the North Pole started denying they know him, Santa said the little guy had gotten into the eggnog cabinet." "Plus, we're his biggest fans!" added a second member of the group.

Team Eggnog Shirt

The crowds were not disappointed as the elf arrived, right on schedule, went straight to his shopping cart sleigh, sprinkled it with magic powder, said "12DAILYDEAL9'" and took flight. Shoppers looked on in amazement as the elf circled overhead belching out three verses of "Deck the Halls" in astoundingly perfect pitch. "It smells like a brewery in here, thanks to all that belching" said one onlooker, "but that was AWESOME!!!"

Shortly after the elf's departure, shoppers around the world began taking advantage of the night's magic word 12DAILYDEAL9 to save 40% off mugs & electronics cases and 15% off everything else in thousands of Zazzle shops.

That the magic has worn off at 11:59pm PST each night, precisely 24 hours after it has been applied to the shopping cart, seems to confirm early reports that the elf is indeed one of Santa's elves and that the fur lined red velvet pouch contains Santa's magic flying sleigh dust, taken from the North Pole upon the elf's escape. The North Pole, continues to deny the elf is one of theirs.

Officials are urging shoppers who want to save 40% on mugs, cell phone or tablet cases and 15% on other unique home, office and gift items to test the magic word 12DAILYDEAL9 for themselves before the magic expires at 11:59pm Pacific Standard Time, tonight.

You can try it out in the Christmas Fun shop or any of these fine shops:

Melhi Ink - My primary shop. Liberal politics, Peace, green living, lgbt, humor/snark, anti-Valentine, pro-divorce, etc.

GearCandy - Image driven designs. Patterns, photos, drawings, etc. Looking for my popular lines of Ninja or Mayan Calendar items? This is the shop you'll find them in!

GlibWare - Word/writing driven designs. Slogans, signs, sayings -- plus a couple of old school travel games.

Heirloom Salon - Vintage treasures and antique book illustrations brought to life again for modern day enjoyment.

The Bone Garden - Skulls, skulls and more skulls.

GrimDandy - The lighter side of Halloween - cute monsters, pumpkins, bats and our trademark character, Grim Dandy, himself, in his fancy stovepipe hat. (A few items say Trick or Treat or Happy Halloween on them, but most do not and can be used/worn year round.)

Crenshaw Bros. Alternative Mortuary Solutions - our hilarious line of Mortuary advertising/marketing humor. (examples: Buy a Happy Cadaver kids meal (with free gummi worms!) in the funeral parlour concession stand, Ask about premium scented embalming fluids in lavender, vanilla or new car. Book Crenshaw the Clown to turn your loved one's funeral into a circus!)

Rapture Rejects - Fun gear for all of us sinners who keep getting left behind every time the righteous have a rapture and whose faces don't get eaten off in the zombie apocalypse and who find out that the Mayan doomsday wasn't the end of the world, after all. (There's literally something for everyone in this shop. Heh.)

And if these shops don't have what you're looking for, I'm sure one of the other fine designers at Zazzle does!

Happy shopping!


Scarebaby said...

haha! You are so awesome!

Melhi said...

Awww, thanks! But I owe it all to that elf! :D