Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Obama DID Say It!

Sorry Mittens, as the debate moderator pointed out, when she fact checked you in real time, before a live television audience of millions of voters,  you were wrong.  Obama DID say it, when and where he said he did.

Oh and looky, here's a T-shirt to commemorate his lovely, strong, PRO-AMERICAN quote:

Obama Rose Garden Quote Shirt

But good for you sticking with a position for more than 10 minutes, Mr. Romney! Your supporters probably wish it wasn't your position to not indulge in fact-checking, but hey, at least you picked SOMEthing to stick with.

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Sneak Abortion Attacks

Off and on for the last few days, I have been working on my daughter's laptop. Apparantly, somebody at her college, where she's a double Finance and Accounting major thought it would be fun to disguise a very nasty virus as a homework assignment. Turns out it was way more fun for them than it is for us trying to undo the damage.

Between that and a wonderful weekend getting to talk to voters from my local party's booth at a busy street festival over the weekend, I have been away from the dull roar of the television speakers and from the blinding glare of my own computer screen, for several hours at a time, over the last several days. ...And sometime during my absence I missed the latest bombshell scientific announcement from Todd "Magical Mystery Uterus" Akin.

According to Mr. Akin, who is the Republican nominee for Senate in Missouri, running against Democratic incumbent Claire "Actually Has a Legitimate Uterus" McCaskill, there's been something sinister afoot for a loooong time. Sneaky abortion doctors have been giving abortions to innocent people WHO AREN'T EVEN PREGNANT!!!!

I know, right?! Some of these unwitting innocents might even be MEN! They're almost NEVER pregnant!! This is clearly the story of the century - sure to rock the medical and scientific communities not only to their cores but off their snobby "we know how the human body actually works and that's not possible" high horses.

I am neither a doctor nor a scientist, so, like Mr. Akin, I have absolutely no freaking clue how it is scientifically, medically or anatomically possible to abort a fetus that doesn't exist. But, according to Todd Akin, it's happening, buddy, and it might have happened to YOU, without your knowledge!

How can you be sure a sneaky abortion doctor didn't perform an abortion on you, without your knowledge, when you weren't even pregnant?! Well, lucky for you, my crack team of Melhican Un-scientists came up with a few simple yes or no questions you can ask yourself, privately, to determine whether you have been a victim of a sneak abortion attack when you weren't even pregnant:

Instructions: Answer Yes or No to each question, then use the scoring provided after the quiz, to determine whether you've been a victim of a drive-by fetus-less abortion.

  1. Since the day you entered puberty, have you ever experienced one or more days (not necessarily in a row) that you were NOT pregnant?
  2. Have you ever looked at a clock, only to discover that more time had passed than you thought?
  3. Have you ever had what felt like an abdominal cramp, a stomach ache or a side stitch?
  4. Have you ever had the feeling someone was watching you? OR noticed a stranger actually looking at you?


  • If you answered "PURPLE" to any of these questions, I'd like to thank you for reading my blog, Mr. Akin.
  • If you answered "YES" or "NO" to any of these questions, you can rest easy. You've never had an abortion performed on you, with or without your knowledge, when you were not pregnant. BECAUSE IT ISN'T FRIGGING POSSIBLE TO ABORT A FETUS THAT DOES NOT EXIST. DUH!!!!!!
  • If you answered "Muslim Brotherhood" to any of these questions, for the love of something, somewhere, Ms. Bachmann, please seek professional help and take the anti-psychotic medication the good doctor prescribes you. We're all worried about you, dear.

I hope I have helped ease some worried minds, this morning.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

America Runs On Us.

"America runs on freedom" says the man who has said his job is to convince the 10% of us he sees as easily led sheep to free the 43% of us he considers worthy of freedom from the 47% of us he considers parasites.

"America runs on freedom" says the man who has vowed that on DAY ONE, he will strip 30+ million Americans, including an estimated 2.5 million women and their unborn babies, of the freedom to go to the doctor when they're sick.

"America runs on freedom" says the man who carried signs at rallies to protest that other men should fight for freedom, and who had the opportunity to volunteer to fight for freedom, himself, but instead, went to France to avoid fighting for it.

"America runs on freedom" says the man who has said he will leap at the chance to deny same-gender couples the freedom to marry.

"America runs on freedom" says the man who hired a firm known for perpetrating registration fraud that denied new Democratic registrants the freedom to vote, by pretending to register them, but shredding their voter registration forms, so that when they appear at their polling places to vote, they will discover they are not free to vote, after all and that it is too late to retrieve the freedom stripped from them so that they may make their voices heard from the ballot box.

"America runs on freedom" says the man who admired, to his wealthy benefactors, the razor wire and slave labor conditions of a Chinese factory.

"America runs on freedom" says the man who will take away women's freedom to choose & the right of couples to plan their families.

"America runs on freedom" says the man who said he wishes workers didn't have the freedom to organize.

"America runs on freedom" says the man who didn't care if his outsourcing of jobs to foreign countries and his "harvesting" of successful American companies consigned American workers to the shackles of poverty.

America runs on the blood, sweat, tears, joys, genius, creativity, compassion, ingenuity & tenacity of the American people whose ongoing efforts build, shape, expand, protect and maintain our freedom. We are free because we fight to be free and because we work to remain free. We know that extending freedom to one man does not diminish the freedom of another, but strengthens the freedom of us all. And we know that diminishing the freedom of one man, diminishes the freedom of us all. Together, we are an unstoppable machine. Our mettle never rusts and our engine never stalls. We achieve greatness because we ARE greatness.

WE built freedom and WE are the force that drives freedom. America runs on US.