Stephen Colbert, formerly of The Daily Show With Jon Stewart and currently of The Colbert Report provides us, the Colbert Nation, with our minimum daily recommended allowance of truth.
Or does he?
Week after week, we've tuned in to Stephen's Threat Down segment to arm ourselves with the knowledge that bears are the biggest threat facing America, today. By now, most of us are well equipped and prepared to deal with the bear-orist threats that hang over us like a pall. ...a huge, snarling, sharp toothed, razor clawed pall.
Well, Mr. Colbert, it turns out you're only half right! As we learned from The State Of The Union Address, the biggest threat facing Americans, today, is not bears, but roving bands of genetically engineered man-bear hybrid monsters!
Since man-bears are likely to be smarter than the average bear, this is no ordinary boo-boo. Oh, no.
While these demon man-bear sleeper cells have been preparing to come out of hybernation to topple our democracy and feast on our flesh, we haven't prepared for them, at all. If they came out of their cave-condos, today, we'd be at their mercy -- human picnic baskets!
For the sake of our nation... nay, our very species... I hope Stephen corrects this rare Colbert-or in his next installment of the Threat Down. The public must be warned!