Tuesday, December 20, 2005

He Knows If You've Been Sleeping...

He Knows If You've Been Sleeping...

Concerned that our Commando in Chief's penchant for peeping and eavesdropping may have put him in violation of the law, putting his Presidency at risk?

Don't be!

He's assured us that he's innocent and we all know that guilty criminals NEVER make false claims to innocence!

If you're an evil America-hating terrorist-abetting traitor for whom our beloved President's word, alone, isn't good enough, don't get your panties in a knot, just yet! (Don't worry, there'll be plenty of time for that, after you settle in at Gitmo!) Unless you're Satan, Himself, you'll be relieved to learn that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has backed the President's claims of innocence with definitive proof, in legal precedence, that George W. Christ is still a man without sin!

You see, in 2004, Sandra Day O'Connor wrote a plurality opinion, on the law in question, (the "Authorization to Use Military Force" passed by Congress and signed into law by Lord W. Bush a week after the 9/11 attacks) clarifying that while the word "detention" does not appear in the law, the authorization of military force implies authorization to detain enemy soldiers, without regard to citizenship, who might be captured on the battlefield. So, by not saying he can't spy on Americans at whim, this law clearly gives Bush and his adminionstration permission to ignore the 1978 Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA.)

If you're not familiar with the FISA, it was signed into law as something of a bone-throw to Americans who, for some reason, were outraged over Nixon's domestic spying on Peace and Civil Rights activists (whose anti-American activities, it should be noted, resulted in major changes to the course of this nation, many of which remain, to this day, despite the ongoing effort to restore this nation to her former glory.) This act basically just laid down a bunch of bothersome red tape by establishing procedures whereby the governement would have to jump through hoops -- investigating, submitting applications and showing just cause -- to obtain permission from a secret 11 member court for covert surveillance and searches of citizens and foreigners suspected of espionage or terrorism.

Note: It is currently unclear why the Bush adminionstration wasted precious time submitting nearly 1800 applications to this secret court, in 2004, when this law had already cleared the way for them to proceed unchecked. Someone -- probably a liberal infiltrator in the party, or a minor(ity) neo-con player who hasn't much of a future ahead of him, anyway -- may have some explaining to do and time to serve on that point, later... when the time for finger-pointing and blame-placing comes.

To prevent a lot of unnecessary whining and complaining about violations of our so-called "rights," each of us should bear in mind all of the other things The Authorization To Use Military Force does not specifically preclude the government from doing to us in its effort to stamp out terrorism. If you love your country, you will trust them implicity and without even the slightest hint of question. Failure to do so only blows your cover and reveals you as the terrorist operative in Lucifer's employ, that you so obviously are.

For example, if you should find yourself being dragged from your home into the street, stripped naked, bound and doused in gasoline as someone in a U.S. military uniform, holding a box of farmer matches, orders a U.S. military chaplain to ask God to spare you from the flames if you are not a terrorist -- The Authorization To Use Military Force does NOT specifically mention the torching of random citizens. They're well within the law and merely doing what's necessary to protect you and your fellow countrymen from terrorist threats.

...And, as the match is being struck, instead of begging for mercy and struggling to break free, you should remain calm, secure in the knowledge that you have nothing to fear if you are innocent!

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