Sunday, December 18, 2005

Grandma Makes Her Living As A Stripper (Parody)

This posting is dedicated to my Aunt Rosetta, who always appreciated a good bawdy laugh, never stayed on her own side of the generation gap, always dressed to the nines and performed with a burlesque troupe (including a faux-striptease routine)in her 70's and 80s. Sadly, Aunt Rosetta passed away, just a few days ago, at the tender age of 94. She had been too ill to share this with, since I wrote it, last year, but she would have gotten a huge kick out of it. I hope you enjoy it as much as she would have. Please Note: This one's for grown-ups, only.

Grandma Makes Her Living As a Stripper
By Melhi
(to the tune of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer)

Grandma makes her living as a stripper,
She's a featured act, a "specialty"
Grandma still gets paid to show her ta-tas,
(At least her knockers hide her knobby knees!)

She's been strippin' now for eons
And she puts on quite a show
A geriatric fascination
When she toddles on the stage and hangs 'em low

When you see her, heed this warning
Find a seat that's toward the back,
She's been known to knock some eyes out
It's incredible when Grandma swings her rack.


No one works a crowd like Grandma,
You should hear the patrons yell
Sure they're yellin' "Put your clothes on!"
But they're cheerin' when she does...and tipping well!

That's not all there is to Grandma,
You should see her from the back
She can get her cheeks a-twirlin'
Cuz they hang down to her heels like gunny sacks!
(Gunny sacks!)

(repeat CHORUS)

When she's dancing on your table
You can book a private gig, (Ahhhh!)
You can grab yourself a handful
Just be careful not to snap her like a twig

She's done lots of special favors,
And according to her "friends"
My old Granny's pretty spry yet...
For a gal who dated Abe and wears Depends!

(repeat CHORUS)

(Swing 'em Grandma!!)

(repeat CHORUS)

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