Rum Cake Heist & Rogue Elf Hijinks

At approximately 9pm Pacific Standard Time, last night, police were called to a popular local bakery, known for its delicious rum cakes. Witnesses reported that what appeared to be a leprechaun had entered, sprinkled glitter on a chair, then flew the chair from table to table, snarfing up the rum cake from their plates, before flying to the kitchen and returning with two full bottles of rum, which he then chugged. "The place is a shambles," said one investigator on the scene. "It's clear that SOMEthing happened here, but before we can determine what really happened, we need to isolate the source of the mass hallucination."

In other news, the North Pole is officially backing off its claims that the drunken elf who has made nightly visits to Zazzle Headquarters is one of their own and is suggesting he might be a cookie baking tree elf. The drunken elf, whose identity remains unknown, has appeared at approximately midnight, each evening, used pixie dust and a magic word to make a shopping cart fly like Santa's sleigh and embarked on a joy ride through the aisles of Zazzle shops. The magic words have enabled millions of holiday shoppers to get unbelievably low prices on Zazzle merchandise using those same magic words for the 24 hours the dust maintains its magic potency.

Anticipating his third nightly visit, millions of eager shoppers hoping for a bargain and a glimpse of the hard partying elf flocked to Zazzle and stood vigil awaiting his arrival. They were not disappointed. As in previous nights, the inebriated merrymaker appeared as expected at approximately midnight. One observer reported that the elf looked disheveled, reeked of rum and was covered from head to toe in what appeared to be cake crumbs.

Immediately after the elf sprinkled the magic dust on the shopping cart, the cry went up among the delighted crowd of holiday shoppers, "12DAILYDEAL3 - the magic word is 12DAILYDEAL3" It was later learned that, until the magic wears off at 11:59pm Pacific Standard Time, this evening, this latest magic word, when entered at checkout after putting things in the magic Zazzle shopping cart will enable shoppers to get a whopping 40% off t-shirts, phone cases and tablet cases and 15% off of everything else.

We're advising shoppers to try the magic word 12DAILYDEAL3 out for themselves in any of these fine shops:

Melhi Ink - My primary shop. Liberal politics, Peace, green living, lgbt, humor/snark, anti-Valentine, pro-divorce, etc.

GearCandy - Image driven designs. Patterns, photos, drawings, etc. Looking for my popular lines of Ninja or Mayan Calendar items? This is the shop you'll find them in!

GlibWare - Word/writing driven designs. Slogans, signs, sayings -- plus a couple of old school travel games.

Heirloom Salon - Vintage treasures and antique book illustrations brought to life again for modern day enjoyment.

The Bone Garden - Skulls, skulls and more skulls.

GrimDandy - The lighter side of Halloween - cute monsters, pumpkins, bats and our trademark character, Grim Dandy, himself, in his fancy stovepipe hat. (A few items say Trick or Treat or Happy Halloween on them, but most do not and can be used/worn year round.)

Crenshaw Bros. Alternative Mortuary Solutions - our hilarious line of Mortuary advertising/marketing humor. (examples: Buy a Happy Cadaver kids meal (with free gummi worms!) in the funeral parlour concession stand, Ask about premium scented embalming fluids in lavender, vanilla or new car. Book Crenshaw the Clown to turn your loved one's funeral into a circus!)

Rapture Rejects - Fun gear for all of us sinners who keep getting left behind every time the righteous have a rapture and whose faces don't get eaten off in the zombie apocalypse and who find out that the Mayan doomsday wasn't the end of the world, after all. (There's literally something for everyone in this shop. Heh.)

Or in any of thousands of other shops at Zazzle.

Happy shopping!

Rogue Elf Strikes Again!

Well, kids and kidettes, that rogue elf wasn't kidding when he told Zazzle shoppers he'd be back! At approximately midnight, pacific standard time, this morning, he returned for his shopping cart sleigh with liquor on his breath and jello stains on his shirt. We don't know whose party he crashed, but from the looks of that elf, it must have been EPIC!

As he did the night before, the drunken merry maker commandeered a shopping cart, sprinkled it with stolen pixie dust to make it fly and zoomed up and down the aisles of Zazzle shops, site wide, spreading joy and laughter! And then, he fell out, told onlookers to keep his sleigh warm for his return and scampered off (in search of more inebriating treats, no doubt!)

Once again, this is great news for you! Until the magic in that pixie dust wears off, you can harness its power to magically get 40% off all shirts (guaranteed not to have Jello stains, btw!) and coffee mugs in my Zazzle shops! AND 15% off everything else! All you have to know is the magic word & how to use it! And thanks to all those witnesses, we have today's magic word for you!

All you have to do is enter the code 12DAILYDEAL2 at checkout! But hurry! Santa's flying sleigh magic only lasts 24hrs and the clock is already ticking! It's set to wear off at 11:59pm PST, tonight!

You can try it out in any of my shops:

Melhi Ink - My primary shop. Liberal politics, Peace, green living, lgbt, humor/snark, anti-Valentine, pro-divorce, etc.

GearCandy - Image driven designs. Patterns, photos, drawings, etc. Looking for my popular lines of Ninja or Mayan Calendar items? This is the shop you'll find them in!

GlibWare - Word/writing driven designs. Slogans, signs, sayings -- plus a couple of old school travel games.

Heirloom Salon - Vintage treasures and antique book illustrations brought to life again for modern day enjoyment.

The Bone Garden - Skulls, skulls and more skulls.

GrimDandy - The lighter side of Halloween - cute monsters, pumpkins, bats and our trademark character, Grim Dandy, himself, in his fancy stovepipe hat. (A few items say Trick or Treat or Happy Halloween on them, but most do not and can be used/worn year round.)

Crenshaw Bros. Alternative Mortuary Solutions - our hilarious line of Mortuary advertising/marketing humor. (examples: Buy a Happy Cadaver kids meal (with free gummi worms!) in the funeral parlour concession stand, Ask about premium scented embalming fluids in lavender, vanilla or new car. Book Crenshaw the Clown to turn your loved one's funeral into a circus!)

Rapture Rejects - Fun gear for all of us sinners who keep getting left behind every time the righteous have a rapture and whose faces don't get eaten off in the zombie apocalypse and who find out that the Mayan doomsday wasn't the end of the world, after all. (There's literally something for everyone in this shop. Heh.)

And if I don't have what you're looking for, I'm sure one of the other fine designers at Zazzle does!

Happy shopping!

Tired Excuses

Two over-used phrases I wish politicians from the local level to the national would retire, permanently:

1. "We don't want to re-invent the wheel""
If our ancestors had adopted this same attitude, we'd still be using rollers and a sledge to move things around. The wheel has been re-invented many times and each time, it moved us forward by leaps and bounds.

2. "We don't want to just kick the can down the road"
My problem with this one is that it's just thrown out there with no explanation as to why the can should continue to lie where it is, following a statement that makes it clear that we need the can to be somewhere other than where it lies. Whether we need to kick the can down the road depends on where we need that can to be. Sometimes, "down the road" is the wrong direction, other times, it's exactly the direction the can needs to move if it's ever to reach that final goal. Maybe we can't kick the can all the way to where we need it to be, in one short kicking session, but that doesn't mean we should just leave it where it lies. Kicking it down the road to move it closer to the goal is called "progress." It's what our ancestors did with each improvement of the wheel from its humble beginnings as rollers and sledge through its many re-inventions along the road to becoming the modern version we rely on, today.

Overall, I really just want our elected representatives to stop telling us what they don't want to do and just get to work doing the jobs they asked us to give them.

Drunken Elf Dazzles Shoppers With Midnight Joyride

Breaking: A rogue elf on an epic eggnog bender has escaped from the North Pole with a pouch of Santa's magic pixie dust! Investigators have tracked the elf as far as Zazzle HQ where, at approximately midnight pacific standard time, this morning, the drunken toymaker commandeered a shopping cart and sprinkled it with a pinch of the stolen pixie dust to make it fly. For more than an hour, shoppers in thousands of Zazzle shops witnessed the elf's wild ride through aisles of shirts, playing cards, skateboards, drinkware and hundreds of other home, office and gift items before the inebriated elf did what has been described as a truly awesome loop-de-loop, fell out and then scurried off shouting, "Keep my sleigh warm, kiddies, I'll be back! Woo hoo!"

This is great news for you! Until the magic in that pixie dust wears off, you can harness its power to magically get 40% off all shirts in my Zazzle shops! And 40% off prints & cards! AND 15% off everything else! All you have to know is the magic word & how to use it! And thanks to all those witnesses, we have it for you!

All you have to do is enter the code 12DAILYDEAL1 at checkout! But hurry! Santa's flying sleigh magic only lasts 24hrs and the clock is already ticking! It's set to wear off at 11:59pm PST, tonight!

You can try it out in any of my shops:

Melhi Ink - My primary shop. Liberal politics, Peace, green living, lgbt, humor/snark, anti-Valentine, pro-divorce, etc.

GearCandy - Image driven designs. Patterns, photos, drawings, etc. Looking for my popular lines of Ninja or Mayan Calendar items? This is the shop you'll find them in!

GlibWare - Word/writing driven designs. Slogans, signs, sayings -- plus a couple of old school travel games.

Heirloom Salon - Vintage treasures and antique book illustrations brought to life again for modern day enjoyment.

The Bone Garden - Skulls, skulls and more skulls.

GrimDandy - The lighter side of Halloween - cute monsters, pumpkins, bats and our trademark character, Grim Dandy, himself, in his fancy stovepipe hat. (A few items say Trick or Treat or Happy Halloween on them, but most do not and can be used/worn year round.)

Crenshaw Bros. Alternative Mortuary Solutions - our hilarious line of Mortuary advertising/marketing humor. (examples: Buy a Happy Cadaver kids meal (with free gummi worms!) in the funeral parlour concession stand, Ask about premium scented embalming fluids in lavender, vanilla or new car. Book Crenshaw the Clown to turn your loved one's funeral into a circus!)

Rapture Rejects - Fun gear for all of us sinners who keep getting left behind every time the righteous have a rapture and whose faces don't get eaten off in the zombie apocalypse and who find out that the Mayan doomsday wasn't the end of the world, after all. (There's literally something for everyone in this shop. Heh.)

And if I don't have what you're looking for, I'm sure one of the other fine designers at Zazzle does!

Happy shopping!

Cyber Tuesday 2012

Happy Cyber Tuesday!

Everything is 30% off* in my shops, today only - until 11:59pst - with checkout code CRAZYHOLIDAY

*note: in regards to postage, the discount is not applied to the face value, only the portion of the price above face value.

If you haven't checked out my shops, before, please do (it's how I finance my lavish lifestyle of extravagances such as eating at least once a day and having a roof over my head when it rains.) Each shop is packed with apparel, housewares, cool things to dress your favorite gadgets in, gift items and more! We carry everything from pacifiers to playing cards. Shirts to speakers. Clocks to cases for your cell or tablet. Mugs to Messenger bags. Well, you get the idea.

Melhi Ink - My primary shop. Liberal politics, Peace, green living, humor/snark, anti-Valentine, pro-divorce, etc.

GearCandy - Image driven designs. Patterns, photos, drawings, etc. Looking for my popular line of Ninja items? This is the shop you'll find him in!

GlibWare - Word/writing driven designs. Slogans, signs, sayings -- plus a couple of old school travel games.

Heirloom Salon - Vintage treasures and antique book illustrations brought to life again for modern day enjoyment.

The Bone Garden - Skulls, skulls and more skulls.

GrimDandy - The lighter side of Halloween - cute monsters, pumpkins, bats and our trademark character, Grim Dandy, himself, in his fancy stovepipe hat. (A few items say Trick or Treat or Happy Halloween on them, but most do not and can be used/worn year round.)

Crenshaw Bros. Alternative Mortuary Solutions - our hilarious line of Mortuary advertising/marketing humor. (examples: Buy a Happy Cadaver kids meal (with free gummi worms!) in the funeral parlour concession stand, Ask about premium scented embalming fluids in lavender, vanilla or new car. Book Crenshaw the Clown to turn your loved one's funeral into a circus!)

Rapture Rejects - Fun gear for all of us sinners who keep getting left behind every time the righteous have a rapture and whose faces don't get eaten off in the zombie apocalypse and who find out that the Mayan doomsday wasn't the end of the world, after all. (There's literally something for everyone in this shop. Heh.)

And if I don't have what you're looking for, I'm sure one of the other fine designers at Zazzle does!

Happy shopping!

Election 2012 Lexicon

Mittmentum: (noun) Hallucinatory sensation of surging rapidly forward/upward experienced by one who is standing still, moving backward, falling or sinking.