Let's Stage An Election

I wrote these parody lyrics back in '04 to express the direction I've seen our elections heading. We seem to have arrived. Can I call 'em or can I call 'em? Enjoy!

Let's Stage An Election
alternate lyrics by Melhi, Oct 2004
To the tune of: Walk Like An Egyptian by The Bangles

Watch the old man sing on the tube
He'll do the fad dance for their vote
With the youthful clique (Oh way, oh!)
He's younger now, quite the daddio!

If the younger man's sense of style
Is not so manly, make him flex
Girl's love his smile? (Polls say so!)
Then flash his teeth on the TV set!

Give 'em hype, get it spinnin' tight, hey!
Way oh, hey yo! Oh way, oh way, oh!
Let's stage an election!

The bald net execs, script the race
They push the polls, for the ratings score
Exciting news! (Oh way, oh!)
It pops! It zings! See the numbers soar!

All the viewers so into looks
That's how they judge who's the better man
If he's wrinkl-ing (No way, oh!)
They schedule him for inject-i-ons

Do the lids, nip and tuck his face, hey!
Way oh, hey yo! Oh way, oh way, oh!
Let's stage an election!

Make the scene on the screen, stay on track
Flex their arms, then they talk some smack
Must rock the vote (Oh way, oh!)
So strike a pose with the quarterback

Autographs to sign, photo ops
And hanging out in the union shops
Now sing and dance (Oh way, oh!)
Go with the platoon on their walk

All the ragazines follow them
The party boys pay to fly them in
On the radio (Oh way, oh!)
They know their lines, keep repeating them

"Mindless schlock! Someone make it stop, hey!"
Hey, no way, yo. No way, Jose` oh!
Let's stage an election...
Let's stage an election...

Me (song parody)

Me
alternate lyrics by Melhi (8-9-06)
to She by Billie Joe Armstrong and Green Day


She...
She teaches science
A constant fight to penetrate our absent minds
You've set your designs -- to kill her science
With your book and hide the bones

I don't care, I'll keep ignoring, doesn't matter who
She can't reach me.
Guaranteed the same holds true for you!
School bell rings, I ain't learned a thing
I'll learn the same sh*t from you!

She
She's been forced out
Now you pound her desk to sell your point of view
Wa-king up my mind
You've smashed her science
Through the thickness of my skull

I just woke up and the world makes sense now, thanks to you!
I've been acting like a total fool without a clue!
Scream at me, testify and preach
My mind's been freed by the truth!

AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

I just woke up and the world makes sense now, thanks to you!
You must think that I'm a total fool without a clue!
Scream at me, but I'm out of reach
Won't make believe, just for you!

Bush's Economic Plan (song parody)

Brand new, just finished today! Enjoy!


Bush's Economic Plan
by Melhi
To the tune of "Winter Wonderland"


Where's the dream, we were livin'
Life was good, under Clinton
We slave to survive, we're hungry tonight
Thanks to Bush's economic plan

Gone away, is the surplus
Here to stay, debt that plagues us
He strings us along, and tells us it's strong
Trust in Bush's economic plan

In the desert, he just blew it all and
He outsourced our jobs, the buck is down
He's made sure the wealthy will pay no tax
Oh, we could use some jobs right here and now!

Wealthy pals how they've prospered - Arab sheiks, oil mobsters
Too broke to erase, the mess that they've made
Thanks to Bush's economic plan

Foreign lenders, oh how much we owe them
America's in hock to foreign crowns
At the rate our foreign debt is growing
Impossible to ever pay it down!

Mexico's masses spilling
Through the fence no one's building
They'll work for less pay, so they get to stay
Thanks to Bush's economic plan

Thanks to Bush's economic plan
Thanks to Bush's economic plan


Thanks to Bush's economic plan
Thanks to Bush's economic plan

Smithereens (Song Parody)

"Smithereens"
Written by Melhi, April 12, 2005
To the tune of "Vasoline" by Stone Temple Pilots

(Note: listening to Fuzz Farm's wonderful cover version of the original song, as you read my parody lyrics, will not take you away from this page.)


Won't try their crude alternatives
No sub for Devil's Ale
Too addicted now to break its ho-old

Fix or food? We won't eat
Sacrifice the air we breathe
Kill and die, lie and cheat
Blow it all to smithereens!

Can't fight complete dependency
Pumped up, we've found our grail
Unholy chalice carved in bone

Slaves in our master's liege, we are
So hooked we can't survive
Without the buzz that it provi-ides

We'll destroy all we see
Just to get it on the cheap
Pay the price, ever steep
Got to feed our endless need

We crave the junk... though we curse the price
We'll pay the price... yes we will

Helpless and tremb-l-ing, we are
Strung out and unrefined
Can't quench a thirst that won't subsi-ide

Killing you, killing me
Earth's revealed her swollen teats
Greedy swine, on our knees
Suck-l-ing her gasoline

Big Box Blues (Song Parody)

Dyin' For The Discount Store
(Big Box Blues)
By Melhi written: Mar. 9, 2006
To the tune of:
I've Been Working On the Railroad

Clicking the link to hear a webbed copy of the original song, while you read the parody lyrics, will not take you away from this page.


Dyin' For The Discount Store

I've been working in the fact'ry
's where I've earned my pay
I've been working in the fact'ry
But they closed it down today

Can't pronounce the place it's goin'
Some-where in Asia, I' been told
Gave our jobs to little children
Five or six years old

Can't pay what I owe
Everyone I know's
Workin' in the discount sto-o-ore

Gonna lose my home
Everything I own
Lose it to the discount store!

They can make it cheaper with minors
Slashin' all the wages down low
Mark it up a little bit higher
Grow a bigger discount store,

And it's working...

Squeezed the little stores out
Shut all the factories do-ow-ow-own
No more shoppin' around
Curse the mighty discount store!
Oh
F*** the mighty discount store!

I've been sleepin' on the sidewalk
Near a sewer grate
Since they boarded up the whole block
And the traffic went away

Now the tumble weeds are blowin'
No-body's earning any more
Man the dream is dead, we're dying

For the discount store!
Ohhhhhh....
F*** the discount stooooore!

...And the dog you rode in on, Santorum!

(How did I manage to miss THIS story?!)

Santorum actually stood in front of a room full of people, spoke at length about the courage and dedication of our brave men and women who put their lives on the line in service of our great nation, then proved he has absolutely no understanding of what they go through when he asked the people in that room to do the same as our troops by slapping one of his campaign stickers on their vehicles!! He then asked them if it was too much to ask them to serve their country by putting his sticker on their cars.

Read the full story, on santorumexposed.com

I don't know about you, but my jaw is on the floor! The level of audacity, ignorance and complete lack of respect for our troops or anything they go through that Rick Santorum demonstrated in just that one call to inaction is beyond staggering!

Mr. Santorum, I dedicate this posting of my famed "Applied A Bunch Of Stickers..." parody lyrics to you. You earned it, buddy. (That's not a good thing.) Enjoy!


Applied A Bunch Of Stickers To My S.U.V.
by Melhi (Written 7-9-'05)
To the tune of Tie A Yellow Ribbon by Tony Orlando & Dawn

I do my part, I pay my dime.
Now I help to gnaw a big bite out of crime
It's due to me the P.O.W.s will soon be free!
It doesn't take much work to do -- simple as could be!

It's.. done.. ea..sil..y,

Applied a bunch of stickers to my S.U.V.
This one over here,
Stamps out H.I.V.
(H.I.V.)

This slogan, here, is fixin' our e-con-o-my,
Supportin' the troops
And veteran groups,
Ending poverty!
It's all by stickin' helpful stickers on my S.U.V!

Cure cancer, end lung disease
Win the war on terror single hand-ed-ly
Your little kid is missing? He'll be found because of me!
A simple plastic sticker's all we need to keep us free!
Achieve a lasting peace!

A pile of legislation will be his-to-ry
We'll get four more years
Cheaper gas-o-line
(Gas-o-line!)
Kids say no to drugs and it's because of me,
I've straightened the fags,
Protected my flag,
Patriotically!
And I'll convert the whole wide world to Chris-ti-an-it-y!

Will the home team's fans be cheering?
In the bag, it's guaranteed!
I've stuck their mascot's sticker on my S.U.V.!

I'll bring 'em home, mmm hmm.

(Buy a sticker for your S.U.V.
Buy a sticker for your S.U.V.
Buy a sticker for your S.U.V.

Buy a sticker for your S.U.V.
Buy a sticker for your S.U.V.
Buy a sticker for your S.U.V.)

Let's Stage An Election (Parody)

To kick off this most joyous new election year, I thought I'd entertain you with a little parody ditty I wrote back in early Oct. 2004. Enjoy!

"Let's Stage An Election"
by Melhi
To the tune of "Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles


Watch the old man sing on the tube
He'll do the fad dance for their vote
With the youthful clique (Oh way, oh!)
He's younger now, quite the daddio!

If the younger man's sense of style
Is not so manly, make him flex
Girl's love his smile? (Polls say so!)
Then flash his teeth on the TV set!

Give 'em hype, get it spinnin' tight, hey!
Way oh, hey yo! Oh way, oh way, oh!
Let's stage an election!

The bald net execs, script the race
They push the polls, for the ratings score
Exciting news! (Oh way, oh!)
It pops! It zings! See the numbers soar!

All the viewers so into looks
That's how they judge who's the better man
If he's wrinkl-ing (No way, oh!)
They schedule him for inject-i-ons

Do the lids, nip and tuck his face, hey!
Way oh, hey yo! Oh way, oh way, oh!
Let's stage an election!

Make the scene on the screen, stay on track
Flex their arms, then they talk some smack
Must rock the vote (Oh way, oh!)
So strike a pose with the quarterback

Autographs to sign, photo ops
And hanging out in the union shops
Now sing and dance (Oh way, oh!)
Go with the platoon on their walk

All the "ragazines" follow them
The party boys pay to fly them in
On the radio (Oh way, oh!)
They know their lines, keep repeating them

"Mindless schlock! Someone make it stop, hey!"
Hey, no way, yo. No way, Jose` oh!
Let's stage an election...
Let's stage an election...

Grandma Makes Her Living As A Stripper (Parody)

This posting is dedicated to my Aunt Rosetta, who always appreciated a good bawdy laugh, never stayed on her own side of the generation gap, always dressed to the nines and performed with a burlesque troupe (including a faux-striptease routine)in her 70's and 80s. Sadly, Aunt Rosetta passed away, just a few days ago, at the tender age of 94. She had been too ill to share this with, since I wrote it, last year, but she would have gotten a huge kick out of it. I hope you enjoy it as much as she would have. Please Note: This one's for grown-ups, only.

Grandma Makes Her Living As a Stripper
By Melhi
(to the tune of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer)


(CHORUS)
Grandma makes her living as a stripper,
She's a featured act, a "specialty"
Grandma still gets paid to show her ta-tas,
(At least her knockers hide her knobby knees!)

She's been strippin' now for eons
And she puts on quite a show
A geriatric fascination
When she toddles on the stage and hangs 'em low

When you see her, heed this warning
Find a seat that's toward the back,
She's been known to knock some eyes out
It's incredible when Grandma swings her rack.

(CHORUS)

No one works a crowd like Grandma,
You should hear the patrons yell
Sure they're yellin' "Put your clothes on!"
But they're cheerin' when she does...and tipping well!

That's not all there is to Grandma,
You should see her from the back
She can get her cheeks a-twirlin'
Cuz they hang down to her heels like gunny sacks!
(Gunny sacks!)

(repeat CHORUS)

When she's dancing on your table
You can book a private gig, (Ahhhh!)
You can grab yourself a handful
Just be careful not to snap her like a twig

She's done lots of special favors,
And according to her "friends"
My old Granny's pretty spry yet...
For a gal who dated Abe and wears Depends!

(repeat CHORUS)

(Swing 'em Grandma!!)

(repeat CHORUS)

Twelve Terms of Office (parody)

As I was reading about yet another powerful politician going down in flames (Republican Mayor West of Spokane, this time,) I was inspired to write a new parody from the P.O.V. of a fictional politician, plagued by scandal. Enjoy!


Twelve Terms of Office
(To the tune of Twelve Days of Christmas)
by Melhi


It's my first term in office, the press is dogging me
Had a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my second term in office, they're crucifying me
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my third term in office, they've got the goods on me
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my fourth term in office, they're still lambasting me
4 D.U.I.s
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my fifth term in office, why won't they let me be?
Five bas-tard kids!
Four D.U.I.s
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my sixth term in office, they're out to ruin me
Sex tape is streaming
Five bas-tard kids!
Four D.U.I.s
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my seventh term in office, the press is killing me
Seven grams of "candy"
Sex tape is streaming
Five bas-tard kids!
Four D.U.I.s
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my eighth term in office, they're out to butcher me
Ate baby seal meat
Seven grams of "candy"
Sex tape is streaming
Five bas-tard kids!
Four D.U.I.s
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my ninth term in office and still they're plaguing me
Nine no bid contracts
Ate baby seal meat
Seven grams of "candy"
Sex tape is streaming
Five bas-tard kids!
Four D.U.I.s
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my tenth term in office and they're destroying me,
Ten month vacation
Nine no-bid contracts
Ate baby seal meat
Seven grams of "candy"
Sex tape is streaming
Five bas-tard kids!
Four D.U.I.s
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

It's my eleventh term in office, they won't let up on me
Election tally rigging
Ten month vacations
Nine no-bid contracts
Ate baby seal meat
Seven grams of "candy"
Sex tape is streaming
Five bas-tard kids!
Four D.U.I.s
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y

They're singing my praises in loving memory...
Twelve terms of office
Election tally rigging
Ten month vacations
Nine no-bid contracts
Ate baby seal meat
Seven grams of "candy"
Sex tape is streaming
Five bas-tard kids!
Four D.U.I.s
Three spent shells
Two sets of books
And a fling with my secre-tar-y